I’LL TRY, I’LL TRY AGAIN, DIDN’T WORK, SO NOW I’M GIVING UP
Have you heard others “trying to do something” over and over and then after a few choice words say something like, “Okay, that’s it! I’m giving up.” Or perhaps it was you that said it. Haven’t we all, if we’re honest, gotten frustrated when “trying” to get something to work and then after it didn’t work the way we wanted it to, we emitted our choice words and stopped “trying.”
Now, there are some things which may be wise to give up. None of us will learn everything, do everything in one lifetime. We may choose to develop an expertise in one or more areas in our lives, but not in others. We do not want to waste our time doing things we don’t enjoy when we can pay others who already developed an expertise to do them. For example if you plan to spend your free time being outdoors, hiking, running, walking, water sports, or perhaps you’re a movie buff, a reader, a writer, etc., you do not want to use some of that time to learn auto mechanics. Instead you pay someone else to fix your car so you have time to do those fun things you want. However, you may discover it is wise to spend some time learning enough about auto mechanics so that you can at least know when you need to take your car in to prevent major damage.
In such as case as the above, I have already chosen those things I wish to do and perfect upon and those things which I will pay or barter with others to do for me and thus spend limited time learning. (However though, I want to emphasize my right to change my mind. If at any time of my life, even if I am say, 110 year old, I find out about something I like better, I will change and learn that!) But what about people who say they want to do a particular thing, try it out, and then say something like, “it didn’t work so I have to stop trying.” My question to them is, “What didn’t work?” Did they even give it a fair trial? Or have they themselves ridiculed others for making similar mistakes so they don’t want to be laughed at the way they laughed at others? Certainly, it is not up to me to judge what others chose to accomplish and give up on, but if they ask others for advice on how to do something and when told what to do say something as absurd as, “I tried that and it didn’t work,” even at advanced ages, they need to seriously reconsider their thinking. You do not become successful at new things instantly. That is the definition of absurdity. Even toddlers know better than that. Ever watched a toddler learning to walk? They will often fall down, or bump their heads, cry for a while, but then get up and start over again. Eventually they do learn how to walk. The reason they do learn is that even after all the mistakes, the falling down, the crying, they just got up again over and over and never gave up. Why is it that many people in our society think they must, as adults, try something for some kind of limited amount of time they have internalized, and then if it doesn’t work out exactly the way the want, they give up? If you are one of those who have deeply internalized that type of thinking, now that you have given up, what’s next? What now? What do you do for the rest of life? Sit around saying, “oh, I just gave up? I Guess I’m a failure so now I’ll just sit around, watch TV all the time, play games, go on the computer, get fat and expect others to take care of unsuccessful me.” Unfortunately, that is precisely what we often teach each other. We think that only a few have talent and the rest of us are mediocre. We’ve proved it to ourselves by failing. We may suspect, early on that we had talent, but then after a few trials, or “by a particular age” what ever age that may be, we then say, well it just didn’t happen for me so now its “time to give up.” “I didn’t do well in school, so I can’t go on to college. I’ll just continue in my job, though boring it may be, it does give me an income.” Again upon “giving up” what are you going to do with the rest of you life? This is probably what the so called middle-age crisis is all about. As a young adult, we may have been convinced we were not going to turn out like the rest of the “old people” did and then we become amazed and disappointed to find out we did! And we conclude this simply because it didn’t work out after our limited trial period.
That is all a bunch of crap! We’d do better to go back and watch that toddler learn to walk and model her/his behavior. Maybe we will cuss and cry and moan for awhile during the learning period of something we have chosen to learn, but we never, I repeat never give up. (And here I am quoting in part the great Winston Churchill.) There is likely going to be people who firmly if not violently believe in the adage of “giving up” after a certain point or else you are a fool. That is the way they were told and of course then it must be right! And there are extremely narcissistic people who are blind to their own faults and failures but so easily see the faults of others and easily punish and laugh at them .And if you are attempting to think outside of their box, they will sometimes even think it is their right to punish you in some way as they watch you make the inevitable mistakes that happen on your way to success. Most of these negative thinkers will only admonish you by laughing at you, or otherwise dismissing or diminishing you; however, there are some who go even farther with it and I have encountered them, unfortunately, in my own life. They will even get violent over such things, amazing as it is when taken out in the light of it all. These are the lifetime sad, miserable people who, convinced they will always be miserable but yet completely right about their choice, choosing to live their lives making others feel at least as bad as they do. Narcissistic and sadistic people are secretly miserable but have learned to derive their own good feelings, short-lived though those feelings are, from making others miserable. This is not only a horrible choice; it is also a mistaken way to live and as such is completely unnecessary. Why? Because we are all born with unique talents and abilities and it is only through the development of those talents that we become happy. Once the miserable realize they too have talents, they will begin to develop them and make themselves happy. And they will stop making others miserable because they are having too much fun doing things they really want to do that make them happy.
My question to you is where are you with all of this? Did you once have a dream for yourself but think it was “stolen away” by a negative person or their negative thoughts that you have imposed upon yourself? All of that is a lie! Your dream is still there. Your talents and abilities are still there. No one can steal them from you. There are the gifts you were born with and will die with. Recapture your dream now. And I don’t care how old you are or how long your “trial period” was. Give up a trial period, but don’t give up on yourself and your dream. Never give up! My next question is this, will you die with you gifts having been happily, though at times clumsily, developed? Or will you die with your gifts having been smugly ignored? Which will you chose?