Kindness Is Now Allowed

Kindness Is Now Allowed.

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Forget Resolutions, Make Changes When You’re Ready

Are you feeling a bit blah or even worse!  Now that the Holidays are over, many people are really not happy to go back to their daily lives which may seem boring, stressful or even worse.  However, allow me to begin this with saying to you Happy Year everyone! And I hope to inspire  you right now with getting off to a good start.

Sometimes, starting “right” will make for a better year.  Of course, we cannot avoid the necessary challenges and lessons that we have chosen, between lives, or Karma, that will determine where we find ourselves.  ( And sometimes those challenges actually make life quite interesting.)    A  good start can make for a far better experience.  But there is really no reason to start on New Year’s Day.  Why not start it easy, with a daydream.

Now for that “r” word, resolutions.  Do you make resolutions this time of year? Or do you feel overwhelmed to just try to think of any change? 

In my opinion, “resolutions” is one of those words that needs to go. It is best to have the right time to make the change you desire whenever throughout the year that time is. 

The most effective and permanent changes for me have come when I have chosen that I will indeed make the change and chosen the way it will happen.  If you do wish to make a change in your life, a first step is to actually start at the end.  Also known as the so called “miracle question,” what would it look like if you had it the way you want.  For example if you want to quit smoking, imagine yourself one year after you quit, with no cravings for nicotine or smoking, and feeling healthier and proud of yourself for accomplishing this.  Spend as much time with this magickal form of day dreaming as you feel is necessary.  Some of us have spent years doing it.

The next step is to examine your current behavior.  You can analyze how often and why you smoke, for example if your wish is to quit smoking. You can use a small pocket sized notebook to jot the date, the time of day you smoked and why.  Again do this step as long as you like.  I would think 1 or 2 weeks would be sufficient, but you make the call as we are all unique.

You next go on a search for a stop-smoking program that you think would work best for you.  Or if you want, you can create your own program, as I did, by combining the features of various different programs and maybe  throwing in some of your own unique ideas to create your own program.

Once you feel satisfied with your program, you simply chose the date to begin, allowing yourself a comfortable amount of time to prepare for the challenge. 

And when the start the program, you start by being extremely determined, powerful and enthusiastic.  Stand in front of your mirror and say to yourself “Bring it on!”  Remember this is a no-fail way and success will be yours.  You have already seen the accomplishment you made!

And when you do succeed, write back to me and let me know so I can celebrate your success with you!


Copyright, Ellen J. Bergstrom, 2012


Ellen Bergstrom – Greenbridge is a writer, social worker, life coach, energy worker, and Empath.  If you would like help in setting up such a program and support in succeeding with it, you can contact her by leaving a message here in the comments section, email or phone 810-845-6766.  And for additional support consider purchasing my book, “Holistic Weight and Life Management.”  It is $10 with free shipping.  Contact me for address to send check or money order.

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Is a Perfect Life Possible? If So Can You Have One?

Is it possible to create your life exactly the way you want it?  Is there such a thing as a perfect life?  Are there people who are truly happy?  There are many people who claim to be happy but are they really?

Is it possible to have it all right now?  Or is this like learning to drive, getting a college degree, etc.?  Think of it this way, if you are 100 pounds overweight, are you going to resolve to become skinny, eat only 1500 calories a day and exercise like a pro tomorrow?  Get the picture.  Like anything thing, having a happy, fulfilling life takes practice for most of us. If you are 100 pounds overweight, eating a lot of junk foods and don’t remember the last time you exercised, it is going to take some time to work up to a healthier life style.  You start with baby steps and a plan.  And the best way to create a plan is to first analyze your current behavior before you even start.  Your own customized plan designed to meet your unique, specific needs is what is going to work the best.

If you want to create a happy life you have to start with yourself. That’s right.  It’s not all “those people” that are causing you misery, it is you allowing it to happen. (Unless of course you are a child, under age 18.  That is a different story.)   If you find yourself constantly angry and critical of those around you, it will take some time for you to realize how you are seeing yourself in others and that  you are really angry with yourself.   For sure,  we see in our society many acts of violence, cruelty and “bad things happening to good people.”  But we also see many positive acts such as caring for others, sharing and having fun and enjoying life.  Many of us give ourselves the permission to enjoy life when we go on a vacation or celebrate a Holiday, especially, this Holiday seasons now occurring December to January 1. Then we go back to the “drudgery” of our daily lives and many times we  experience depression and/or anger and even hatred of those others who are “causing us all this misery.”

Daily life can be just a happy as any vacation, Holiday or anytime you have given yourself permission to have fun.   Note the words “permission to have fun.”  This is a lot like “allowing,”  something that many wise people have talked about in recent years. 

Do you think you can’t do this?  Well, you can and this idea is among the very first steps involved with realizing your own power.  We all have within us the power to create a very happy and satisfying life. 

Start now first by doing a very simple easy thing.  Don’t try to change a thing!  That’s right I said don’t change anything about yourself. Instead, listen to your own thoughts.  One very effective way to do it is by caring around a tiny notebook, or just using your phone, to write emotions you have throughout a single day.  Pick a day that is a usual, routine day for you but not one  you already know will be extremely busy or challenging in any way. Plan ahead of time which day this will be.  Have the notebook or device next to your bed and plant the idea in your head that you are going to use it as soon as you wake up.  Now as you do wake up, you write a couple of sentences or even just one if you want or even just a word about how you feel.  Wright down the time next to it.  Do this throughout the day when you notice a feeling, positive or negative.  Notice especially any strong emotion.  You can also write what you think caused you to feel this way. 

Here are some examples:

7:00 AM Woke up feeling angry because I was dreaming mother or my boss, or my friend, or spouse….whoever you were angry at.

7:30 Feeling rushed and frustrated getting ready for work, worried about being late.

10:00 Feeling envious of a co-worker, no jealous.  She got promoted and it should have been me!

Get the picture.  Remember you don’t have to ever share any of this with anyone so be honest with yourself.   The more honest you are the better it will work  to get you to a happier life.  We all have some really horrible thoughts at times.  During this time, you don’t analyze a thing.  You just record it.  Now if you also have the habit of acting on any of these feelings, you will attempt to suspend that for one day.  For example if you are angry because you feel someone is gossiping and you feel you must “correct” her/him…don’t do it! Control your behaviors and just be an observer of your own feeling and thoughts, just for one day. In fact, if you usually control and correct others on a daily basis, you may need some cognitive behavior therapy before you try this exercise.  You  need to discover first that it is not your “duty” to make others behave the way you decide is right.

You can continue to do this for more days if you choose but one full day is the smallest length.  Now you put it aside and don’t look at it for about a week.  Then when you do look at, try to pretend you are critiquing someone else.  Look for a pattern.  Start with times you wrote things down.  For example, did you record something every half hour, 45 minutes, 15 minutes, etc.  Is there a predominate emotion such as anger, anxiety, sadness, joy, etc?  Write an emotion you felt next to each statement if you didn’t already or underline/highlight each emotion.  Now see if there is one or more predominate feelings or thoughts.

Next, you will reverse each negative emotion or thought to a  positive one.  For example if you were jealous of someone, pretend it was someone you love or even you and experience being happy for them instead of jealous.  If you were angry at someone for gossiping, recall a time when you gossiped and forgive yourself and this person for their “mistake.” Or perhaps  you misinterpreted what you overheard.  Was it really a negative statement the person was making or were they expressing concern or interest?  Give them the benefit of doubt and decide it is not your “duty” to analyze them.  Analyze all your thoughts and feelings for the day and rearrange them in a way that would make your day happier.

The next step is to notice your “triggers” for negative thoughts and emotions. You could have noticed this during your analysis.  What this means is that you notice when you are feeling anger, jealousy, etc. and as soon as you feel it, you learn to let it go, let it be.  As you continue to practice this, you will learn not only to let it go, or ignore it, but even to learn to send love and healing to those expressing negative things. I know, this is difficult and I continue to work on it.

One last thought  is to notice if you are misinterpreting what others are expressing.  Many of us base our reactions on our past. Sometimes a single word will trigger in you something from the past that was hurtful to you.  You then can misinterpret an entire event. These exercises will keep you in the present. And by being in the present, you will discover things you never noticed before because you were too busy getting angry at what your Mom used to do, jealousy of your sister, etc, etc.  These new discoveries will bring you opportunities you never thought possible before.  The funny thing is, you will find out they were there all along but you never noticed them until now.

Brightest Blessings to you and yours during this Holiday Season!

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Permanent Weight Loss, When? How?

Henry David Thoreau, photograph taken in Augus...

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Wait! I’m not one of those, excuse the expression “skinny bitches.”  Far from it. I used to be skinny , back in the days of my youth. Now, I have become one of many who “fluctuates” as they say. I lose it and then gradually it comes back on. Not all of it! I never allow too much of it to come back on.  But stress and overly extending myself as I have a tendency to do, has created a pattern of overeating and “not having enough time to workout” or else I’m too tired to do so.  I don’t have to appear on TV or Movies and I’m not in the market to attract a lover.  My husband loves me no matter how fat I get. And I don’t care what others think, well that’s not totally true but I’m more career oriented these days and years than anything else. However, don’t get me wrong! I am not one to give up. I value my health and my energy. Those are two invaluable assets to have.

I think back to a time when I heard about a woman who complained to her spiritual advisor that she kept losing the extra 10 pounds she carried only to regain it again and again. The advisor told her what if she didn’t lose it but still  kept gaining th extra 10 pounds . And this is what actually does happen to so many unfortunate people.

Those of us that go back and forth, losing and gaining are far better off than those unfortunate people that never lose anything and continue to gain pounds often to the point of extreme morbid obesity that incapacitates them.

Thus counting our blessings, gratitude is perhaps one of the best ways of jumping to the next step, the greatest wonder of permanent weight loss.  We do know that when we are grateful for what we do have, we can change our lives profoundly. By being grateful for what we already have instead of taking it for granted, we increase our abilities to draw much more of the same to us. Oprah had a series of shows and teachings on this. I participated in it and found a gradual change for the better that I barely noticed. The course was simple, you just write a few sentences each day for a period listing as many things that you are grateful for. It lasts for a set time. After I did this for a period of time, I went back to my first few entries. I noticed I had developed a completely renewed state of mind without realizing it.  I found I had come along way from that time, was happier and more excited about my life as well as being able to manifest more of the things and changes I wanted. Gratitude, is one of those simple things that is profoundly life changing.

I have spent years now involved in creating and pursuing my dreams. I have run into many hurdles but I know that I can overcome them  only if I don’t give up. I chose to follow my dreams and will continue to put one foot in front of the other as I follow on my chosen path daily. Success often follows some of the darkest times so you don’t want to give up just before it happens.  I remember also to listen to my some advice given to me by a spiritual mentor some years ago. I had a vision of following along a pathway and there were many snakes on each side of the path. The advisor told me not to stop and talk to them because they would bite me.  Too many times, I have listened to bad advice when I stopped to “talk to the snakes.”  I will keep my filter clean and let any “snake talk” flow through. And I also keep in mind the advice of a very wise person who once told me, “we always win in the end.” Thank you Vince.

Don’t give up ever.  In times of great darkness, pain, suffering and despair, one only needs to wait, just a bit longer or perhaps even longer than that. But if one keeps putting one foot in front of the other and stays on the well-chosen path, one will arrive at the destination eventually. And success will finally come.

As Henry David Thoreau once said, “Walk boldly in the direction of your dreams.” (That’s Henry’s picture up there. Can’t believe I thought I was in love with him when I studied his works in my 20’s.)

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The List


If a fairy godmother came to you, and tapped her wand on your head and said all your wishes are granted, what would that look like? What do you wish for? Do you dare to wish? Or are you afraid to do so. Are you afraid of being disappointed? Let me help you take the risk, gently, to create in your life those things you would most want to have.

What do you want from your life? Good health, happiness, joy, cheer, fun with good friends, respect of others, beautiful home, a lovely vacation home in your favorite vacation area, time to do everything you want to do, financial security, the love of a special one, the love and respect of family and friends, a satisfying life, an exciting life, expensive cars, beautiful, stylish clothing, world travel at the best resorts and hotels, etc., etc, etc. Does this all sound too good to be true? Well let me assure you it is not. The reason is, like so many of our wisest people have already told us, thoughts are things. To get something you must first think about it. You must picture it in your mind in great detail. If you have trouble doing that, start with writing everything down. Take the necessary time to do this. Set aside a time when you will have privacy to imagine and wonder about what you really do want and then write it down. You can also make your happiness map. This is something that many wise people have taught us to do for at least several decades now, perhaps even longer. Chances are you already have heard of putting together a happiness map. You simply take pictures of what it is you want, you can cut out pictures from magazines or where ever you find them and paste them on a large board. You then place that board somewhere in your home where you will see it daily And to make sure you get it, you replace your negative thoughts about not having, about being jealous or envious of others who have what you don’t, to positive thoughts. To do this you start with being grateful for what you already have. This is actually the 2nd list you create or you can actually start with this one and then do the happy life list 2nd whatever feels most comfortable or right for you. It is important to acknowledge what you already have because it teaches you to appreciate and enjoy your life. And when you do that you are more focused on what you have than what you do not have. Then you can begin to imagine what a happier, more satisfying life would look like. You will be more likely to enable yourself to create that for yourself. You can’t do that if your mind is filled with resentment and envy towards others or focused on what you don’t have. You may have difficulty, however of just consciously letting go of this negativity towards others. Instead of doing that, you simply replace those thoughts of your own good life. If you are mostly thinking about what a happy, satisfying life you are in process of creating, you will have little time left to focus on the negative. You may not be able to change the past but you can create better things for yourself and others in the future.  If you are having trouble thinking of anything good in your life, imagine what life would be like for you if you were born in some 3rd world country where just obtaining daily food is a problem, where disease is rampant, where your own parents die young, leaving you with many hungry siblings, where there are literally no jobs for you, where the only way to make money is by selling things on the street. Get the picture? How much better is your life than that. Perhaps you have a home or an apartment, perhaps it is furnished. Likely you have a TV and maybe even have a large screen TV with cable. List all of these kinds of things and be happy you have them. Do you feel better now? If not, have a celebration to celebrate everything you now have. Whether that celebration occurs by yourself alone or with friends, make sure you have some food and or drinks you love, flowers, music you love, dance, talking with friends or even just visits to your favorite restaurant, football game, art museum in a nearby large city, etc. You can also create ritual for this if you are so inclined. Include a bath or shower whereby you wash away all the negativity and essential oils to anoint yourself afterward.

Once that is done, you are in a better place, emotionally, physically, holistically to begin to think of creating your most fulfilling life. Once you have done that, the universe and all its possibilities will open up for you. Your senses will become full and you will see, hear, smell and perceive of things you have never even dreamed possible before. You will begin to see all your talents, all your abilities, and most important of all, you may, perhaps for the first time, discover your passions, the very reasons you came into this life. You will, for the first time perhaps, see yourself as a wonderful being of unlimited potential.

And one final thing.  Once you have imagined and put this all together, happily and cheerfully let it go. That’s right, you let it go.  Like releasing a balloon, you let it go while saying, “This or something better for the greater good of all concerned.”  In that way, you will not limit yourself, but may actually get something even better than you have so far imagined!

Brightest Blessings on this beautiful, sunny Autumn day!




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Making Your List of Greatest Accomplishments or How to Get Anything You Want


  Do you know your dreams? What is it you’ve always wanted? Have you achieved some of the things you would like to have? If so, what are they. Write them down. If you don’t think you’ve achieved anything worthwhile, think again. You are alive and breathing, right? Write that down. Make a title for this paper you are beginning. Entitle it, “My List of My Greatest Accomplishments.” Perhaps one of the first things you will write is that you are indeed alive and breathing. That in itself is a miracle. Think of what it took to create you. Out of the millions of sperm from your father, one lucky one made the long journey connected with one of many of your mother’s eggs to form the beginning of the development of your body. Now if that wasn’t lucky enough, you spent 7, 8 or 9 months or so forming in your mother’s uterus and lucky for you she was well nourished enough to support your development to succeed to your birth, the birth of your body, that is. Many of us feel we are immortal spirits who chose to go into bodily reincarnations from time to time for various learning experiences or perhaps to just have adventures. Back to our story of creating our dream lives. Some call it manifestation. Some say we all have that power within, to create, to manifest that which we desire to have. I happen to be one of those. I have seen it for myself in my own life.

So you have so far on your list,

1. I am alive and breathing. What is number 2. Here is a suggestion:

2. I can get to where I want to go.

Whether you get there by walking, by driving, by flying, by wheelchair, by others moving you in some way, etc. etc., you can get there right? The only ones who really can’t physically get to where they want to go are those who are trapped in prison, either a physical imprisonment or a psychological one. And the psychological imprisonment is another story as well. So lets get back to our story.

3. I am able to obtain sufficient food to meet the needs of my body.

Yes we have, even in this country (USA) those who go hungry. This hurts my heart especially when I hear of hungry children and animals. But again, another story. I am speaking here to those of you reading this that already have these gifts but don’t realize how fortunate you are.

4. I am able to obtain and maintain my own residence.

Once again, I know many have not yet learned how to do this one, but if you have, celebrate that fact that you have learned how to do this. I am going to continue with this simple list of accomplishments that many of us who continue to complain about petty things like we don’t have enough money, clothes, better job, the weather, etc. yet contain to forget about all the wonderful accomplishments we do have. So here goes:

5. I am able to provide myself with many extras. I own furniture, appliances, even more than 1 TV, have cable TV or satellite TV, have one of more phones, even a cell phone, a car or even more than one car in my family, pets that I well take care of, go on vacations, go to movies, even have my own movie collection. I may even have an entertainment center or room in a house that I own.

Well, do you get the picture now. Do you get the point. If not let me spell it out clearly. You can manifest what you want. Here is how. You just decide what you want and make the plan to get it. Sure some things are easier to get than others. But here is one secret I have learned. The things that you have manifested that are easy to get are those things you have already learned how to get. And you learned them by practice. For example, as a 3 year old, you did not know how to go to the store and buy things, did not know you needed to get a money supply to get things. Now you do. Whatever your source of money, you have it because you learned how to get it. And you learned how to go to the store to use your money In exchange for the things you want.

Other things that you think you can’t get are only those things you haven’t learned how to get, yet. So you first need to make a plan to learn how to get them and then practice it. It really is that simple, in words. Now I’ll give it to you, it is not always that simple in practice. Practicing is where the effort and hard work come in. You have to make mistakes when you practice. That is is how you learn, by making mistakes.

One of the worst things a person can do is make a simple one time try, practice one time, fail and then give up and think it is too difficult.

You can have anything you want. You just have to persist and tolerate your own mistakes and learn how to make a better choice, perhaps through problem-solving, perhaps through the so-called mystical realm, the answers, people, opportunities show up as y to move a step closer to the thing you want And whether that thing is to just get a job making another $20,000 more than you make now or it is to become President of the United States you use the same basic of ideas of patient practice and learning.

You may think this is an overly simplistic methodology. And I agree, there is far more to be said about this practice. However, there is much truth in these ideas and they are the bare bones of many wise philosophies.

I welcome hearing your experiences with manifestation. You can contact me at

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WELCOME TO MY BLOG.   I’ll be honest, the purpose of this blog is for my own self-development…I love to write and, I’ll be even more honest, give my opinion. However, if by sharing information, experiences, etc here is of any help to others, that also helps me out because it really makes me feel good and be happy. Having been raised in the Catholic religion to honor suffering and other miseries, I have chosen to think of that as a dark-ages kind of thinking that needs to take a hike. Imagine trying to impose on your babies, toddlers or puppies or kittens the need to suffer and be miserable. Now that really stinks IMO! I had long ago left that behind as really a waste of a life and I now dedicate my life to feeling good and helping others to feeling good ergo, be happy. However, I’ve found that was easier said than done, after having had that suffering crap shoved down my throat and other orifices throughout the crazy, misery of the catholic childhood upbringing I experienced. I will not give up on it though and intend to find out the answer to letting lose of that garbage and letting in all the love and light and enjoyment I can discover. One of the many interests I have is in having a balanced life. I quit smoking several decades ago only to replace it with an overeating habit. I have struggled with extra weight since. However, a few years ago I lost over 40 pounds and then wrote a book about it. You can find here in my archives, a lot of information I used in loosing weight and living a more balanced and happy life. You can purchase my book for $10 postage free…just send me a check or money order to Ellen Bergstrom, 11325 Ray Road, Gaines, MI 48436. My email is and phone is 810-845-6766. In addition, I do consultations and life coaching (I’m a licensed social worker), and do a healing, life affirming process I developed called, “Holistic Journeying.” Contact for an appointment and rates. I also love to hear from anyone with any well-meaning feedback or comment.

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